There is so much to learn.

What is there to say? We are so tired that it begins to feel like rambling to me right now. I want the lessons to continue but I need them fed to me in little pieces so they don't push me over the edge. Well, I am not really that close to the edge but am tired and sometimes numb.

There is so much to learn.

Karla and I experienced the joys of the State Police and getting fingerprinted. I hope they aren't blurred because I don't want to pay another $20. We also found out how ridiculously expensive banks are for a money order and could get one for one-fifth the cost at the post office. Then we had a little retail therapy and food therapy to round out the weekday.

And then - I got to go to Pittsburgh and do two things I really wanted and needed. After attending a poetry and book reading, I crossed the street to PAD and visited with some people I met previously and met a few more. I so enjoy these happenings. They are great. Many of them are orally-taught and don't necessarily need interpreters, but that isn't my goal. Right now I just want to socialize and improve my signing. I've learned some things I don't know that I'll be utilizing in a professional setting, but who knows!?

And yet, there is so much to learn.

Coupl'a dollars short, coupl'a days late.

Yesterday (Monday) I remembered that I usually do this on Sunday. Now I am two days late. Ouch, this memory thing gets scarier by the day!!

Thanksgiving break was nice and oh-so needed but somehow it just didn't seem long enough. I had two days "off" and the rest of them were filled up with travel, family, class and work. Two days is better than nothing! Had a great time with my family and was going to sign a story for them it just never happened. Perhaps at Christmas.

Went to Deaf club in Pittsburgh Wednesday night before Thanksgiving. That will be an interesting discussion for our ethics class. I met some more nice people and had a great time. Hope to get back there again. One student blew me away with her signing skills. I never got the opportunity to ask her background but she went on about her being in ASL 1 and me being in 5. Hell, for a while she talked to a woman and I just watched the conversation, my hands obviously in my lap. That is why I am there - to get experience, so I sucked it up and talked with people for hours as well.

One interesting experience I had - which is a great lesson - was the reversal of being pushed aside and spoken for. When I would sign to people and they were unclear about something, instead of letting me continue and learn, this one woman would wave me away and talk to the person I was talking to. Come on! That is why I am there! Even though it annoyed me I used it as an experiential learning situation in how to not treat my clients, rather, no treat any other person.

My brain is less numb but still seriously tired. I hate to rush winter break but at the same time I need some respite, rest and repose.

Hm, did that even make sense!? Haha!

April - I am worried about you. I hope you can hold it together and get back on your feet quickly and fully recover during winter break.

Wring me out and hang me to dry.

Simply said: I am exhausted. But really, is anything ever really "simple"? This break could not come quick enough.

I didn't mind the fusion cooking. I never "mind" any piece. I internalize my anxiety. When we were done with it and looked around the room the color of our faces was scary. Karla told me I was an odd shade of green; I think she was worried about me.

While we did work on the Softball assignment mostly together, I was compelled to watch it for my own glossing. I certainly couldn't have done it on my own - this I know!! I didn't agree with some of the vocabulary used and that was allowable - we all had different opinions on these things. Doing it stole so much time. I turned it in without completely finding the expansions only because my brain was jell-o and my insides were numb. I will revisit this and look for them on my own. On a bright note - I was so excited when I spotted one of them (a describe then do). Suddenly it clicked. Momentarily, but it was there!

When Ruby volunteered us to interpret for the meeting on Friday I felt sick. I knew we could do it and that she and April knew we could. I even thanked her for having the confidence in us. (But I did have to ask her again the sign for confidence...) All I wanted was to wait until after Thanksgiving break. I was so worn out I couldn't speak in English - imagine trying to listen to the meaning and put it out there in ASL. On the walk up that morning I looked at Karla's great coat and said "Nice dress". Put in the knife and twist it. Add a little lime and salt, too. It sickened me that I did so poorly. Even in the basics as wearing the wrong color. Crap.

I'll tell you one thing for certain. As disappointed as I am with myself, I am not afraid to climb back up on this horse and try it again. I am looking forward to it, really. But please - can we wait till I have recovered!?!

And I am so tired

If only I could rest

If only I could die – oh!

To be buried in the soft brown earth

In the garden beyond the pinewoods

To have no yesterday and no tomorrow

To forget time

To be at peace.

--The Canterville Ghost

And the panic begins...

The other girls panic from day one, I keep mine on hold until later. Much later, as in soon.

I don't know that I have much new this week. Mid-terms come so quickly, but it is this time period in which I really feel the drain. I continue to learn, but my brain is tired from the lessons. I certainly don't want anything to stop! I just know that I am looking forward to Thanksgiving break in a week. Even those days are largely accounted for and I don't know that I will have enough "free" time. However, some is always better than none. I will be happy with some.

I am glad April got sick enough to go to the doctor's office. I hated seeing her so pale and sounding so lousy. It is inevitable, going there, right? Ha, me, the classic procrastinator, giving advice! I must be cracking!

Well, no matter. My day was complete when Maddie came and gave me a fantastic hug this afternoon when she was told to say hi. Both she and Calvin are precious.

Okay, enough lolly-gagging, back to Softball. Can you hear me whimper?

Foggy Countdown

Well, this counting up and then backward seemed like a good idea, but some days I feel the panic as the numbers have started getting smaller.

Eleven down, seven to go. Wow.

"Softball" has been a very education experience. As we didn't gloss in the past, catching every sign as well as trying to catch NMS and POV shows me what I should be aiming for when signing. With practice, and practical use, it will come. The teamwork has been good for us and no one has yet threatened jumping off of the bridge due to the "wait, go back" we have said and done hundreds of times.

I have enjoyed the directions and games chapter in ASL V and it will feel weird going back to lecture and the usual. Phase 10 and Bananagrams rock! And I didn't completely suck at Gestures. Amazing.

I am sorry that I missed Deaf Club yesterday. The afternoon spent sleeping and relaxing was, unfortunately, so needed. Plus, my brain was already jell-o after my math class yesterday morning. I am trying to plan another trip to visit with the Pittsburgh Association of the Deaf. Time will tell.

There should be more, yet I can't come up with it today.

Ciao.

Ten oh Six and Magic

This week has been rather interesting with the glossing exercise. This is the first time we have glossed and it is very educational. Sure, it is frustrating but that is temporary. Later in this exercise we will be recognizing expansions and it is easy to spot some of them already. It gives me a deeper understanding - theoretically mind you! - about how much goes into ASL.
On the flip side, the "Big Grandma" exercise was a bust. I didn't feel panicked while doing it even though I was thinking too much and running out of time in the gaps to complete my message, therefore I missed the beginning of the next segment and had more omissions than I'd care to admit. I look forward to going over that one and doing it several more times simply for my own practice and improvement.
The magic came on Saturday. Several weeks ago the Pennsylvania Association of the Deaf was having a Baggo competition and spaghetti dinner and I really, really wanted to go. However, I was so sick I couldn't and was sorry I missed the opportunity. Mind you, PAD has many opportunities for socializing, but that one struck me as a fun way to experience the group. This past Saturday was their adult Halloween party at their building and,while I wanted to go I was concerned about it making me too tired for work on Sunday and then the beginning of the week. Karla knew I should go (thank you!) and away we went. We had a great dinner at The Lemongrass Cafe (Thai food, imagine that) and then drove around to find PAD's building. Ruby had warned me that it was in a bad part of town and as we were an hour early I drove up to CMU and we walked around a bit and experienced their homecoming evening with men in suits! Anyway, we head back to Forbes Ave and we worry about the best place to park. Not too far away, of course. I pull down the side street beside the building, turn around and park the car in a residential area. We are looking around us to make sure it looks 'safe enough' and that we won't upset the people who live there. We find this as well as some of the coolest outside art. It was so much fun. The first thing I spotted was a frog - concrete structure done with a mosaic pattern. Anyway, to me/us, this was pure delight. Surprise - art in the bad part of town!!
Then we get into the party and the people are wonderful. Many are dressed up and apparently some of the winners' identities of the costume contests were unknown to many people there. I'd love to go back and share more with these people. The place is great!
This night was so complete I wanted to cry the happiness cry. I woke up today feeling complete, alive and with hope for my future.

Nine and Seven

It is a given that April and Ruby want us to do our best. And for that I am so grateful. We will be excellent interpreters when we are done and get out into the real world. I have been reminding myself that my classmates will not be in my back pocket to help me in times of memory lapses. This doesn't panic me, just makes me more aware of what I need. While I still do have mental freezes when trying to communicate with both Ruby and April, I feel I am getting better at 'painting that picture'. Every day we have little lessons in this and it is taking hold.
Today I taught the class how to play Follow the Queen. It was so embarrassing when the queen landed and I forgot one of the focuses of the game - twice! I had fun with this exercise even if the cards weren't very cooperative during each game. I look forward to next week and more games to be shared.
The discussions today about oppression and touching on ethics was interesting. I don't know that my skin would have been thick enough to be an interpreter when I was younger. It may not be thick enough now, but I have more of life's experiences and perspectives to help me along in this. I am still looking forward to the challenges to be met and experiences to be had as an Interpreter. This is an exciting people-oriented field and I hope it suits me and I it.

Eight down, Eight ahead

Is it possible to slow time down a bit? Have I already asked that?

For my ability to not panic too much during an interpretation, I know my weaknesses have not improved yet. Practice, practice, missy.

With this cold-that-won't-quit, I have learned an unexpected lesson. When the cough caused my voice to turn to a whisper it was a good time to sign more with my friends as a forced style of communication. But today, Saturday, is when the lesson really hit home. I spent the day with hearing friends with no sign experience and I longed so deeply to just sign. Having this language and being unable to use it was frustrating. Thinking of so many people who have only one language - a foreign language - and are sequestered into a corner of life because they are not "normal" is sickening.

I'd like to expound on that, but my energy is sapped. I know there are more "good" people than "bad". Some days I look around and think what an unfair lot life dishes out. And yes, I am far from perfect, but I hope that every day my mind opens a little more.

7th...

Wow, tonight I really don't know what to say. Scared, still? Yes, a bit. Confident? Yes, a bit. I know I am in good hands with April and Ruby as well as my classmates. Last year Karla made me step back and catch my breath when she pointed out that life would seem incomplete not seeing Ruby five days a week. She was our well-spring, our source. This week April pointed out again that we will be ready at the end of the program (omg, really!?!!) and that we won't have each other to ask questions. We will be on our own and must be knowledgeable and prepared.
Okay - head between my knees and breathe, breathe, breathe!
We can do this. I can do this. Yes! I can!! (Hear my battle-cry!!)

Week 6!

And what a week it has been. We've begun the process of fund-raising ideas and plans; getting excited about our wintry trip to San Francisco. Yes, I love Columbus; but come on - how many chances will I have to see San Francisco!?!!

We have gone from Sailboats to Liturgy in consecutive signing. Using our Fall semester as an example and having completed a 30-minute video during week four, these challenges represent one heck of a learning leap and, after that, things will hopefully seem a breeze. Okay, a really, really, slight breeze.

April has been encouraging us and Ruby has been shaking her head. "Can't these girls get comparisons!?!!" All in due time, the concept is there, the applicability, well, that will take some time. Sorry! We will keep practicing, I promise!

I hope no one got my cold. Goodness! Bud gets a little cough and I end up in bed for a day and a half. And that is with good medicine! Please, ladies, don't get it. It isn't worth the ride or the late-night, rapidly-changing visual oddities (i.e., near-hallucinations). Perhaps it was the play I saw on campus. Well-done, thought provoking. And anything regarding WWII Concentration Camps usually depresses me a bit.

My being sick caused a couple of us to miss an opportunity to experience the Pittsburgh Association of the Deaf's Spaghetti Dinner and Baggo fundraiser for their Christmas program. Sorry about that.

We will have more opportunities. For fun and learning.

Please, can we slow down time?

I know, I know, by mid-terms I will be screaming for a break and in December I will be coming up, gasping for air. But right now, today, I want to slow down the days. I know that April will make excellent Interpreters out of us. It is what we want so strongly and what she is so skilled at doing. Somehow I have an irrational fear that we won't have enough time to learn all we will need to know and that there will be gaps in our skill base. Yet I know, deep down, that she will indeed give us the tools to be the best Interpreters and it is up to us to utilize these tools and grow our own skills. And deep down I know we will be kick-ass Interpreters. Without fear we have less impetus, right? Confident is good; fear - used properly - can be a powerful ally, an empowering force to be reckoned with.

I do know I have the ability to be an excellent interpreter. And while the lessons seem daunting, I know that they are just that: lessons. Tools. Stepping stones to teach us how to think on our feet. And for that I am grateful. For the lessons, for my classmates, for April, and for Ruby.

Aho.

Yep, one-quarter of the way through this semester

I am not sure how I feel about that! There is so much to practice and so much to learn. April is a great at presenting the information in a sensible manner and overall I don't think the class has been overwhelmed even with all of the protests. ;-) We know that we must go through these processes in order to learn to become an interpreter. As she said, "Many people to know to sign. Interpreting is another whole [animal]."

Utilizing paraphrasing has been so vital. I listen to strangers, the news or sports casters, whoever I can for the purpose of context. Funny thing I realized - this is simply a great listening tool, without taking it to the next step of interpreting the information.

My video for ASL V was not perfect by any stretch of the imagination. In fact, it had many production errors. However, one thing which pleased me regarding that exercise is that I did not script my story. It was done in the midst of classroom distractions and was mine. As with any of my videos, I consider it rather painful to watch.

The class dynamics continue to become stronger. We are having fun and supporting each other.

Third week down.

Cannot believe how this goes by so quickly!! Some times it still feels like week one.

I have yet to watch the video I turned in to Ruby for Chapter 18. I did not script this one and that felt pretty good. I practiced it several times and had to restart even more times because of simple distractions in class or signing mistakes as when I said the house was 1,000 years old. And I keep on moving on.

A four day week can seem longer than a five day week as it is easy to get discombobulated in my time sense. But it is fun. In enjoy April's no nonsense and experienced teaching style. I appreciate the way that both she and Ruby adapt to our class and are constantly thinking of new ways to teach the material so every year gets better. That paraphrasing has been a great example of this. Thinking of another way to present the material in English makes us more flexible in our thinking in ASL.

I have been looking for a part-time job on campus and I am excited about an opportunity to become a tutor. This is a good blend of my natural ability and inclination to assist people with their confusion and make some money doing it. Good stuff all around.

Today I am numb. Next step, focus on getting enough sleep every night!

Second Week - Wow how time flies!

To be perfectly honest, I am selfishly glad that we had a long weekend after our second week. It has been fun and my brain gets numb at the end of every day - so I am happy for the extra rest.
It is amazing how quickly these days go by. I keep telling myself that this is indeed possible - after all, that is why the program exists - to teach us how to be excellent interpreters. It seems to be a matter of mental fortitude and hard work over fear.
Remembering our roadblocks last year I have stopped in and talked to the ASL group a few times, just to try and assuage their own fears. Elisha and I have decided it is a sort of "pay it forward" concept. Next year, they can help the new students. Half of the battles are in dealing with FSU/PCTC's technology - the Blackboard is the nemesis of many!
I am silently wishing for opportunities to immerse myself in with the Deaf, even if just periodically for a day or so. I fantasized about flying to Cambodia to spend part of winter break with Tashi (my Deaf friend) yet know that the cost is prohibitive. I long for something because I know this can only benefit me and vastly improve my skills.
As Tashi says: onward and upward!

Week One, Fall 2010.

I have been a mix of excitement, paralyzing fear, doubt and laughter. After taking three summer classes and having three weeks off before the school machine started up again I was ready for it to begin. I like the routine of school. The predictability, the flow of class and lunch with my friends and study time and work. Each semester I gain knowledge on how to navigate this thing called college. Wouldn't it be nice if there were a one-day seminar on that!?!
I studied some this summer, not as much as I had planned, but some. I had the fear of returning unprepared. Then I remembered how great Ruby is in her teaching style. She is there to make us understand, and eventually we do. I don't really know how she does it, but am glad she does. The workshop with Ruby and April this summer also added to the comfort level somewhat. Not necessarily in my skill level, but knowing that I am in good hands. After all, I am here to learn and I am enjoying it. This is where I want to be.
As Karla says: Here we go!!