I didn't mind the fusion cooking. I never "mind" any piece. I internalize my anxiety. When we were done with it and looked around the room the color of our faces was scary. Karla told me I was an odd shade of green; I think she was worried about me.
While we did work on the Softball assignment mostly together, I was compelled to watch it for my own glossing. I certainly couldn't have done it on my own - this I know!! I didn't agree with some of the vocabulary used and that was allowable - we all had different opinions on these things. Doing it stole so much time. I turned it in without completely finding the expansions only because my brain was jell-o and my insides were numb. I will revisit this and look for them on my own. On a bright note - I was so excited when I spotted one of them (a describe then do). Suddenly it clicked. Momentarily, but it was there!
When Ruby volunteered us to interpret for the meeting on Friday I felt sick. I knew we could do it and that she and April knew we could. I even thanked her for having the confidence in us. (But I did have to ask her again the sign for confidence...) All I wanted was to wait until after Thanksgiving break. I was so worn out I couldn't speak in English - imagine trying to listen to the meaning and put it out there in ASL. On the walk up that morning I looked at Karla's great coat and said "Nice dress". Put in the knife and twist it. Add a little lime and salt, too. It sickened me that I did so poorly. Even in the basics as wearing the wrong color. Crap.
I'll tell you one thing for certain. As disappointed as I am with myself, I am not afraid to climb back up on this horse and try it again. I am looking forward to it, really. But please - can we wait till I have recovered!?!
And I am so tired
If only I could rest
If only I could die – oh!
To be buried in the soft brown earth
In the garden beyond the pinewoods
To have no yesterday and no tomorrow
To forget time
To be at peace.
--The Canterville Ghost
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