Oy.

I am not a moody person. There aren't the highs and lows of other people; I am even-keeled, on the happy side of neutral. I believe that it will always get better but realize that it can always be worse. Always. However, lately I've not been feeling that sense of stability and right now that is not one more stressor that I need in my nights and days. To go from a rough day being frustrated with myself and then feeling calmer the next day is what I am used to. But for the third day to feel as badly as the first day and to realize that these undulations of mood, like on a choppy ocean, are becoming a regular experience adds nothing to my sense of confidence.

I am so thrilled that I have my car! I like it very much and it seems to suit me. What it gives me now is the opportunity to grab more chances to better myself. I can work more easily having my own ride. I can get tutoring (and am) and I will make signing events happen. I have my Deaf friends and venue and now have a better chance at getting together with them. Yea!

These past two weeks have been good experiences as far as applying our skills and getting feedback. I like how we can see how others hear the message and work the meat of it. I know where my weaknesses lie - everywhere and everyday I learn new aspects of the language and of the skill of interpreting. I panic when I hear the message and am not fluent enough, and not patient enough to breathe and relax into the moment to hear, really hear, the message. Because as I feel I am hearing it, my allowable lag time seems to disappear and then panic begets panic and there I am. Heck, even now as I type this I realized I am not breathing.

In my math class one girl asked what my major was and when I told her my goal her face lit up and said, "oh - how fun!". Ha. That's what I used to think. My mom tells me that on the other side of this I will look back and laugh, I disagree. I simply hope to look back and breath a sigh of relief, pick up the pieces and move on.

That is what I do, move on, move forward. There is no going back, there is the next hill to climb, stand there and survey what I see and what I've learned, make it a part of me, then begin the journey to the next hill.

I love what we are doing and I know, more and more every day I know how real this is getting. April said she will give us the tools to be interpreters and she is. Applying them is up to me. I am trying. Thank you for your patience and experience. Thank you.